ohhhhh

There are many things about myself that I simply don't like!  I don't like my weight!  I don't like that I complain!  And I definitely don't like that I am a jealous person!!!!  I really don't like that!!!  God has blessed me and even though I don't have the life I thought I would, doesn't mean that the life I think I should have is really all it is cracked up to be.  A few days ago someone said to me that everything will work out with my financial and personal struggles because God wants me to be happy.  I agree God does want me to be happy, but what if those struggles are what brings me to happiness with God.  Maybe God doesn't want us to own a house, or drive a car, or eat the foods we think we should.  Maybe His plan is more simple.  God asks each of us to do different things with our lives.  He asks some to give up everything and share His word with others.  He asks some to leave this Earth at a young age to join Him in heaven, we may not see that plan, but God knows what the purpose was.  Do I find comfort in the fact that God has a plan for me.....yes I do, but I don't think His plan includes the things I was hoping it work.  Now to let go of everything I thought I needed in this life and trust that only what I need will be given to me. 

Well that was a long way to get to say.....I am jealous.  I am jealous of the talents of others, the lives of others, the attention others receive.  I HATE that about myself, I really really do, but I struggle very much to let go of it.  Oh I really should go read Mother Angelica's story again.  It would be a good read for anyone.  To see what happens when we follow God's plan!  I will go find it and start reading and hopefully God will speak to me.